


Closing Time

by Scourgefurz



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Bar Tender AU, Bar Tender Jean Kirschstein, CEO Bertholdt Fubar, EMS Armin Arlert, EMS Connie Springer, EMS Eren Jäeger, EMS Levi Ackerman, EMS Mikasa Ackerman, Mafia Queen Krista Lenz, Manager Hanji Zoë, Multi, Police Officer Annie Leonhardt, Police Officer Marco Bodt, Police Officer Reiner Braun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-01
Updated: 2015-02-01
Packaged: 2018-03-10 00:03:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3269228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scourgefurz/pseuds/Scourgefurz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Late twenties, cozy apartment in New York, working in a nice little bar, I'd say life is pretty decent for myself. When the past doesn't dredge itself up behind me with every step I take, anyways.<br/>Still, I've managed to get by... Making plenty of mistakes along the way and screwing up plenty of lives while I'm at it.<br/>I'm one of those guys that if you told me that it was a pleasure meeting me, you're only lying to yourself. The shit I've done in the places I've been has only proved my point, time and time again. But, you know what they say about the past. It repeats itself when idiots like me don't take heed and fix something. </p><p>                        I want to change that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Closing Time

I can't stand the smell of coffee in the morning anymore. I've just gotten so sick of the scent, you know? Well, honestly, you wouldn't blame me if you knew the _whole_ story.  
Well, yeah so hello....I'm Jean Kirschstein.  
An ex-cop from the NYPD who got charged with driving under the influence and murder of the first degree. Yeah, off to a great start, right? Well, that was a long time ago, ended up doing some time in jail.... Seven years... Honestly, I would have made it longer, but hey...

It's behind me, and I swore I'd never bring it up again. And besides, I have this great gig at a place called Jumpers!

It's a uh... It's a bar. Yeah, I know. It seems ironically fitting that a guy charged with drinking an driving... and.... while he's on duty, no less, would end up as a bartender. Sometimes I feel like the world just sides against me, probably because I did something in a past life, you know? People have told me that I'm a pretty selfish ass to think that GOD, or whoever the fuck, is out to get me.

 

They're not wrong.

 

I'm probably one of the biggest assholes you'll ever have the displeasure of meeting. And my personality sure as hell doesn't make any better of an impression than the whole "Convicted Felon" thing does. Nobody would hire me, or even want to be in the same building as I was, I mean really, who would... But, that's why I was surprised when I got hired here.

It sure as shit wasn't my first choice. The lady running the joint, Hanji Zoë, is a bit of a nut (but anyone willing to put up with me AND _pay_ me has got to be a little crazy).

There are a lot of rumors floating around that she used to have ties with the mafia, but what do you expect in this part of New York? She's also much, much older than I am... (Not exactly certain if she rode dinosaurs or not, but I sure as hell don't plan on asking her that.) She's nice, she pays well, and she knows what she's doing, so I am not complaining.

This other lady works here, too but she's a newbie, so I have to show her the ropes. I'm fine with it, though. Gives me something to do in the daylight hours when we aren't officially "Open". Her name's Sasha, Sasha Braus and she is a real sweetheart. She's twenty-two and she's trying to work her way through college. Actually, that's why she hasn't been here for the past week. Hanji set something up with some administrator types and 'boom', Sasha suddenly had better access to a scholarship.

I'm not going to ask any questions.  
This scholarship is a full ride through college, though! I hope she's eligible or whatever, just because I don't want her to miss that chance. Hanji does all she can for this kid because she knew her parents through 'work' and that's all I know.

All I want to know.

 

Either way, I've been manning the bar for a whole week. Do you know how rough it is during the week? You'd think it was the party crowd on the weekends but now... It's these _stiffs_ that show up around five after they leave their shitty, miserable, cubicle jobs. A bar in this part of town is the lowest rung on the ladder, watching people of all stands stroll in. Sleazy lawyers, assclowns from Wall Street, you know.

 

_The Suits._

 

It's basically just all these people trying to escape the reality that their lives fucking suck. Which is why I'm glad I get to be near the booze all day. Hanji never notices when I take a nip, if she did I would probably be either dead or... Well this is Hanji, I don't want to think of the other options. Pretty stupid, though, right? Leave the asshole with a DUI with all the liquor. But she trusts me to just do my job and serve the alcohol. It's pretty damn depressing, no one ever fucking talks to each other. Just ask you for booze, pay, leave. It's some awful cycle they're stuck in. One of the reason I love the weekends is because of all the laughter, people are happy! I mean, heh, as happy as you can get in a bar. But, we're always getting business, so I shouldn't complain.  
I heard a couple of voices outside the door and peered through the big plexiglass window beside the big round table booths. Two women walked by, their pretty brown hair done up in ponytails. I saw them wave and recognized those smiles immediately. They stepped through the black wooden door, setting off those awful bells that told us when customers arrived. Hanji insisted on them.

The two were laughing and cheery and dressed very professionally. "Hey, J! I see the place hasn't burned down over the week!" Hanji looked at me and laughed as she surveryed the clean tables. I laughed and stepped out from behind the bar waving to Sasha who walked in behind Hanji.

"Hey, doll! How ya been?" I asked.

Grinning, she ran over with her arms wide, her balance thrown off by those awful four inch heels she was wearing. She had almost tripped twice by the time we reached each other. I wrapped my arms around her to welcome her back (and steady her balance). She hugged me back, but I should have known to pull away because she immediately shouted into my ear.

"GUESS WHAT JEANNY?!" I winced and moved back.

"Oi.... What?"

I saw a glint of excitement shine in her eyes and knew she was going to shout again. So I quickly put my hands up and asked "Quietly?" with a grin.

She nodded and proceeded... Still very loudly. "I got the scholarship!"

Sasha began bouncing with joy, that silly tight button up she wore almost bursting open. I felt my face get a little warm as I looked away from the silky white fabric. Hanji came over, donning a jet black suit, and flopped her arm around Sasha.

"I knew you could do it, kiddo! Your scores placed highest in the state!" She patted Sasha on the head and left for her office. Probably to get out of that ridiculous get-up.  
I gave Sasha an astonished look.

"Highest in the state? Sash, that's great! Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I stepped back behind the bar and pulled out three fancy-ass glasses that were usually saved for bachelor parties and shit. "I would have had a whole FEAST prepared!" I shouted and tossed my free hand into the air like a fancy French chef.

"Even though I can't cook for shit, I coulda ordered take-out!"

Sasha beamed and slammed down on the red leather stool, tearing those black heels off and dropping them behind the bar with a laugh.

"Fuck, those shoes were KILLING ME!"

She stretched, her legs too short to reach the hard wood floor. She lifted her arms over her head, untucking her shirt from her pencil skirt and revealing a little bit of her stomach. I thought it was kinda cute.

_Shit... I can feel my cheeks blazing._

I ducked down under the bar to grab a drink. Taking a minute to calm the fuck down, I pored over the glass bottles. Wines, liqour, and a bunch of stuff that looked expensive. I let my hands run over the paper lables before stopping on a light green bottle of champagne. I pulled it out and read the title, "The Great Maria", sounded silly but it was a good champagne. I popped back up and opened the bottle, pouring some into the glasses. It wasn't chilled or anything, but we didn't really have much time before people would start coming in and it didn't matter too much. I glanced up at the large, antique clock across the room and stared at the hands for a second. I pushed Sash her drink as I looked past her. Okay, short one is on the five.... The long one is... Okay, it's like five o' six. Sasha picked up her drink and sniffed at it. Hanji was still in her office, but I poured her one, too.

Sasha swung her feet up onto another stool and rested her arm on the bar. She sighed and finally said "Yeah... I got the highest in the whole state, my friend." She sounded as though she could hardly believe it herself.

"To the best kid in New York!" I cheered and raised my drink. She tapped her glass against the rim of mine before we both took a sip of our bubbly drinks.

 

Everything was good.

 

That is... Until Hanji shouted, "Are you two drinking on the job?!"

 

Her voice so loud and commanding I almost spat out my champagne, but I froze. I caught Sasha spitting hers back into her glass and sliding it back towards me. It didn't occur to me to put the damned drink down by the time Hanji walked in. So I was now standing there with a mouthful of bubbly and the glass still in my hand. Genius. Hanji walked over, now in a low cut tee shirt that brought particular attention to her chest..... Though it also revealed her arms.... With muscles as big as mine.

Look bottom line is she has one hell of a left hook. If she was pissed, I was done for.

Fired.

 

Back to the streets with me.

 

 

"You guys were drinking..." She started, buttoning her fresh pair of jeans. Then she looked up and placed her hands on her hips, taking what seemed like an eternity to then adjust her glasses.

Fuck, the silence was deafening.

 

 

She took a seat.

 

 "WITHOUT ME?!"

That crazy grin was back and I felt relief soar through me. Hanji laughed and grabbed a glass as I slumped down and lay my head on the bar. 'Holy shit! I thought she'd have my ass for that.' I swallowed my drink and set the glass down, standing upright. "Ha, had me shaking in my boots for a minute." I laughed awkwardly.

' _You dumb bastard, you aren't even wearing boots._ ' I thought, and shut my trap.

Truth is, I have never had a drink in front of Hanji, and I had no idea what her reaction would be. I never really wanted to did out. That's the thing with me, I never think ahead. It's always 'What the hell could happen?' You know?

Hanji laughed, and waved it off. Good, that's good. Hanji brought the attention back to Sasha and we sat in the warm, dim light and just talked. It took a few minutes for me to relax, when I noticed that Hanji had grabbed Sasha's glass... Ew. No, seriously EW, I.... Should probably tell her that.... Sash spit in that...god I'm gonna puke. I excused myself quickly, but I doubt they noticed because people were starting to walk by the windows.

I hid in the employee washroom for a minute and splashed water on my face, because I heard somewhere that was supposed to help. It just made my face wet, and my stomach still felt gross, but it was a little better. Man, I am not easily grossed out but stuff like that is awful. If it comes out of your face, keep it way over there. At least get a tissue, you animal.

 

I dried my face off with the bar tender towel thing that I always had on me to clean up spilled drink and stuff. Luckily it was clean. I looked into the mirror above the sink, the light from the window behind me much brighter than the little bulb over head. I'll need to change it soon, but right now I need to help Sasha.  
The bells chimed as I walked back behind the bar and I crouched down to check out how much ice we've got in the little ice maker. Sasha immediately patted my head with a grin, knowing how much I hated that, before greeting the people that just came in. I could tell they had heavy boots by the way they walked, heavier sighs showed how tired they were. They spoke to Sash over my fumbling with the ice maker and I could tell it was a lady and a guy... Voices are really familiar. I brushed it off as I finally got the lid back on that damned thing and stood up with the usual grin.

Might as well "start the day".

"Whatdowe got, Sash-" I began, halting when I caught sight of dark blue uniforms resting against the bar. Faces slapped with what seemed to be shock.

 

F-fuck.

The room buckled and my head felt like a lead balloon.

                                                                                   "J-jean?"  
"Is he okay?"                                                       Sasha's voice was faint.  
A deep voice full of concern.

Metal suddenly screeched as it's torn to shreds, rubber squealing as it's ground against pavement. Blurry lights flash and spin, horns beeping fiercely and rotating around me.     "Shit" that deep voice growls, sounding close.

                An explosion

                        Something cracking against my head, another thing yanking at my chest

Pressure on my leg, tearing fabric and

 

 

 

DARKNESS.

 

 

 

 

 

I looked up to see the flash of worry on Sasha's face and it ripped me back into reality...albeit, just a little. God, my leg feels like it's on fire. I gripped at my left thigh to try and stop it....

" **Keep the wound closed** " I heard a far away voice...     

 

 

_**There's no wound, no. No, it's a SCAR.** _

 

 

                   " **Stop the bleeding**." Another voice, closer now.

 

My leg felt hot and wet like it was bleeding, but it isn't, not it can't be. Everything's shaking...

                                              No, no I'M shaking, FUCK.

 

"S-sash, I.. Uh...." I took a shuddering breath and said, "I'm going on break."

 

I muttered a quick apology to the customers without looking at them.

 

No.

 

No, that's not _them_. No way in hell.

I straightened and set forward towards the door, whisking my jacket off the coat hanger and rocketing out onto the sidewalk. A cold breeze whipped through my thin shirt immediately, stinging my skin. I could feel the cold seeping through my jeans, too.

Coating my leg, the scar.

Fuck, I'm having a panic attack.

My breathing is becoming wild and I can't ....

I can't stop hearing the...the fucking _screaming_.

 

I could feel the heat welling up in my eyes already and I glared to make it stop, throwing on my jacket quickly, hoping I was just shaking because of the cold. It's fucking February, that's why. It's cold. It's going to snow tomorrow. The smell of the leather calmed me a little as I pulled the collar up to cover my neck.  
' _Fuck, I'm shaking like a mouse God damn it.'_ I hurry and push blindly past people, this is New York, you move or you're getting moved. I try to pay attention to what's in front of me, but memories of... that night come flowing in. I thought it was just in my head..... A sudden screech on the asphalt comes from my right and pulls me out of my haze for a split second as I realize I had stopped in the middle of the damned road.

"Get out of the way you son of a bitch!" The yellow taxi is yelling, no that's the fucking driver.

I race over to the side walk and continue walking, trying to be careful long enough to just get home.. I gotta get home. I have to stop shaking. Jesus Christ, I thought I'd never have to see those uniforms again. But who am I kidding, it's fucking inevitable.

_I just need to get home......_

 

My hands were still shaking when I finally reached my apartment complex and typed in the code to unlock the front door. It was a good twenty minute walk from Jumpers, but I had been going at such a brisk pace that I got there in ten.

Jesus Fucking CHRIST, I couldn't get rid of those thoughts... Normally it stops, normally it's only a few moments and then I can forget.

Just, God, just let me push it away this time.

The pain in my leg was still throbbing, and to add to it, a pressure built against my chest. Compressing the air out of my lungs, making it hard to breathe. I couldn't get a full breath in even if it would stop the pain. This is what happens when you try to live day-to-day, the only thing you forget about the past is that it dares to resurrect itself as it pleases.  
Especially on days where you float aimlessly, only to drag you crashing down.

Then you feel it.

You remember every single wrong turn you've ever made and all of your achievements suddenly become littered with cracks.  
You realize that they weren't ever really achievements at all. Look at wha thou had to do to get there.  
Do the ends really ever justify the means?  
No, they just poison the final result.  
So what if you made it to your final destination?  
What did you have to do to get there, you fucker?! The voice in my head hissed at me.

"Fuck!" I growled as I tripped forward out of the elevator. I hadn't even noticed that I had gotten in. It's a damn wonder that I made it to the right floor. That. That right there, that's what I mean when I say I float. Things just happen, and you're too helpless to stop them.

_Like when you hit that curb?_

  
**_Fuck..._ **

  
_Like when you pressed the brake too late?_

  
_**Oh my god....** _

 

I stop in front of my apartment door, almost stumbling into it like a drunk.  
 _You mean like you were that night?_

My keys were jingling in my hand, centimeters away from the lock. I stare for a silent moment before releasing the breath I had been holding and pressing my head against the door. I felt the metal address numbers digging into the skin on my forehead, I know it's going to leave a mark but I don't care.

**_Breathe_ **

  
_Breathe_

  
Breathe

In the key goes, tilt it to the right.  
A subtle click alerts me to the door being unlocked and I push my way in quickly, just barely remembering to take the key out of the lock. Greeted by the dark hallway, I continue forward towards the living room. I basically trip onto the sofa by dropping myself over the arm rest, letting my feet hang off the edge, until one slips onto the cushion, and then onto the floor. I don't bother trying to move it, that's not the one that hurts, so it doesn't matter. I tilt my face to the side toward the tv, but I can't focus on anything past the coffee table in front of me. And the stream of light on it... I didn't hit the lights.

No, I didn't shut the damned door, is what I didn't do.

Fuck it. It's too damn much. I can't even pick my leg back up off of the floor. I'm tired, and I'm sick of remembering this shit.

I'm sick of seeing the wreckage.  
I'm sick of seeing the tears.

  
The brown bottles on the floor of an empty car, the glass of two of them broken and slicing the flesh in my palm.

Sick of seeing the open door to that cop car.

 _I'm **damn** sick of seeing_ HER.

 

Her and all of my mistakes.

 

My mind finally calms down as I can take in a full breath. I sit quietly in a perpetual state of too fast and too slow. Life for me is like being stuck in a tar pit, thickly laced with steel shrapnel and booze. Pulling you under too fast to live, but too slow to escape into death.

 

My phone jolts me awake with the chorus of some Florence and The Machine song. Took me a few seconds to realize that I had fallen asleep on the couch and contorted myself into an awkward ball. The light from my windows was basically gone, so was the light from my door. Someone had shut it. Took me another minute to realize that someone was calling. The buzzing stopped, so I rolled onto my back to at least check who it was when it started up again. I wrestled with my pocket for a second to pull it out, only to get flashed with fucking high beams.

It was Sasha.

Do I want to talk? Hell no.

Do I answer it? Yes, of course.

 

"Hel-"

"JEAN! OHMIGAWD, are you okay? Where are you? Do I need to call Connie?"

Connie is her EMT boyfriend.... Works at Trost Hospital. Fuck, is she gonna call an ambulance?  
I quickly sit up and get my feet on the floor, suddenly feeling a blunt pain in my neck.

"No, no. Sash, I'm fine and I'm at home, okay?" I rest my elbow on my knee and place my foreheads into my palm as Sasha sends a barrage of "Do you need anything? Are you sure?" and "I'm super glad you're okay! Hanji said stop scaring people."

I just quietly said, "Okay."

 

Because what else do you say when you fucking terrify your friends and make them worry to the point of almost calling an ambulance? How depressed does she think I am?

 

I mean, whatever she thinks, she is most likely right.

She was quiet for a minute, which was jarring because she's always talking. "What happened earlier?" She paused and then said, "I've.... I've never seen you look scared like that before. You looked like you saw a ghost."

' _Yeah, a ghost or two....._ ' The voice in my head snarled. "Nothing, don't worry about it. I just...."

I thought of an excuse.

"Hanji drank the stuff you spit back in the glass earli-"

"What?!" Sash sounded horrified on the other end.

Silence.  
"I didn't want to throw up."  
More silence, much more awkward than before. But I think I heard Sash gagging.

"Why didn't you say something, oh my god, Jeanny!" She whispered.

"Cause it was fucking gross, Braus!" I answered with my usual snarky tone and a chuckle.  
Sasha stifled a laugh, I figure she was in the employee wash room by the way her voice keeps echoing. Damn, I bet she's still working.

"Are you sure you're alright?" She asked one final time.

 

I thought for a second and sat up straight. "I'll be at work tomorrow, talk to ya later, doll." I used her pet name, so she knew I was planning on keeping my promise.

"See you tomorrow, Jeanny. I'll mess up your hair twice as payback for ditching me on a Friday shift. But you won't know when they're coming. Good night, Jean." I laughed and she hung up.

Standing, I stretched, the pain in my leg basically gone. I looked at the phone and checked the time. It's a quarter past eight, I'd been home for about three hours, just sleeping. Might as well continue, I could try and break some record. I shuffle into my bedroom and take off my jacket and shoes, leaving them on the chair by the window before curling up under my comforter.

Yeah, good night.

**Author's Note:**

> Holy crap, so um yeah.....
> 
> Was it depressing enough? Are you confused? Good, same here. I promise this will be a lloooonnnnggg fic, and I'm really hoping it peaked your interest and that you'll read the next chapter!  
>  Hopefully my writing will suck a little less as the chapters go on.  
>  Questions, constructive criticism and comments are always welcome!


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